RHEMA III

Many times, I used to be in confusion, sadness and depression. I think there was the product of my age and state. I realize I had no parents, no family since my mother passed away in 1997. But I also was in lonely because I’d no friends. I dreamed of join again the college and get back to my country. I dreamed of things that never were into my life but I believed on them… already I still believing.

Two weeks ago, I was reading a pocket book, “Tattoos for life”; I remember I was really upset and depressed; casually I was reading the chapters about the verbal abuse (I used to be a victim of) and tattoo of depression. I’d my whole mind busy a lot in all my problems, lack of money for my subsistence (I’ve no job), the big amount of savings which people stole me, money for return to my country, for the college’s tuition and fees… and so forth. Many times, I used to feel myself as a castaway; with no people around me, with no future, far away everything and everyone, no family who can support me, no land, someway as a cry out alone… Suddenly a word came to me, this is Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Tear drops fallen out of my eyes… I came to understand every word God said to me, “Always I’ve been with you… but I came to be your father and mother… you’ve a childlike heart –a pastor’s heart- and I love you for this, but the enemy always has wanted to hard your heart, ‘cause is your treasure… always I’ll be in front of you… I’ve felt every tear drop which in silence you’ve cried… I understand you… I give you double anointing... I’ll use you in such way that everybody –you indeed- will be amazed…” A new fire born within me, “le neuf renaissance.” Holy Bible says, “Do not forsake me when my strength is gone” (Ps 71:9), and “He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” (Is 40:29-31a). The way God wants me to be is beyond my eyes could see, beyond my mind could dream, beyond my heart could expect, beyond my strength could do. Therefore, He supports my strength, He sees by me, He knows what my heart feel, and He can do His purpose into me.

Already I know He’ll turn my dreams into things my hands can touch –as my mind can sees-; He can take my heart to an unlimited ministry, but I also know I’ve to be ready in humbleness for this as well as prepared to pay what He demands out of me. Everything has a cost, every ministry has to be paid, every gift of the Spirit must be gained, and every pledge has to be probed through the fire.

Once God said to me, “You say ‘why that people have gifts and ministry but I’ve not’ but already I say to you they have gifts and ministries ‘cause they’ve paid the cost, they’ve looked for my face and claimed for these. If you want the same, you’ve to pay the cost what I’ll give you of.” Tho, I remembered God said to me, I think never understand the compromise that implies within. However, above everything now I know God has never forgotten me, never He’ll do. He has a plan for my life, and that purpose is what I’ve to fight for. He had given it to me, but I have to fight for my inheritance, for the “double anointing” He gave me.

“Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” (Ps 103:1, 4-5).

(May-13th/05)